Choices

May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears. – Nelson Mandela

C is for Choices

We make many choices each day. For example, what clothes we wear: the red or the black dress? What we will have for lunch: a salad or a meat pie? Will we exercise or stay in bed for the next hour… 

Some choices will have little effect on us, like whether we eat an apple or a pear for afternoon tea. Others will have major effects, such as deliberately driving our car after we’ve been drinking, then having a serious crash.

Some choices can slowly creep up on us. Our weight could be one of them. If we eat lots of high fat, high sugar fast foods and don’t exercise, then one day we may find that our waistbands are tight or the button on our jeans doesn’t do up. 

Tuesday I went to a CRU (Community Resource Unit) http://cru.org.au/ seminar on the NDIS. The NDIS is the National Disability Insurance Scheme which is taking over from Disability Services, in Australia. In 2016 it will start to be rolled out in Queensland. One of the activities we had to do during the day, was to write down our vision for our disabled child. My child Jessica, has Down syndrome and my husband and I actually already have a vision for her.

Our vision is for adult Jessica: We see her as an independent member of the community. She will live on her own, be financially secure, and have friends, relationships and interests/hobbies. Our vision for her is the same as it is for our other two children, who do not have an intellectual impairment or developmental delay.

Having a vision though is not enough. Deliberate choices for how we are going to help Jessica reach the destination, need to be made, otherwise the vision will never be realised.

At the moment she is eight years old, but we are already working on the skills that she will need, to be able to live independently. For example, we are helping her to achieve her personal hygiene and dressing skills. Jessica helps me bake and she does simple tasks around the home. She is learning to swim as she wants to join the Swim Club like her brother. That will also be a good fitness activity for her when she is an adult. We take her to stores, teaching her how to shop. She has speech therapy and occupational therapy. And we try to give her a broad range of experiences. The list goes on.

We have fears for when Jessica is an adult. Will she have the skills to be able to live independently? Will she be safe? We won’t know until we get there, but if we give in to our fears now, we won’t offer her the opportunities or teach her the skills she will need. It is so important that our choices reflect our hopes, NOT our fears.

Now, you may not have a disabled child, but you can still do some self-reflection on what choices you are making with your life. You can have your own vision and plan the steps involved in reaching your destination.

Think for a moment about your friendships, relationships and work, and answer these questions:

·         Are the choices and decisions you are currently making, producing positive outcomes?

·         Are they giving you a better life?

·         Are they giving you hope for your future?

Sometimes you need to make instant changes. For example, cut friends, stop bad habits, start saving.  Some things of course, you may not be able to change so easily, such as your employment. But if you want to change jobs you can start planning how you are going to get out of it. You could investigate promotions, study options, read the employment section of the newspaper etc.  Even small positive changes will have an effect.

Is there one change you can make today?

Life is all about choices. Which direction will you take?

 

Belonging

Help me - where do I belong?

Who will accept me as I am?

Why can’t they see past my exterior?

They think I’m a yak… but I’m really a lamb.

 

B is for Belonging

In primary school I always had a few good friends but I was never in what I considered, ‘the pretty, popular group’. I would look at those girls with envy, because they seemed to have it all. They were the ones who were chosen first for sporting teams, games and dancing. I was one of the last, or the last, to be picked. Always soul-destroying. As a child I thought being popular meant you had it made.

By the middle of primary school I had picked out one of the girls, Lisa, who I saw as being gorgeous. I convinced myself that if I hadn’t been born with my craniofacial syndrome, then I would have looked like her, and I would have had a better life because of that.

I only have one vivid memory of being evicted from a group. It was in Year Five and Abba was huge. We made up an ‘Abba’ group and I was in it. I can’t remember who I actually was but I was so excited! We were practising the dancing and singing in the withdrawal room, which was a little room adjacent to the classroom. I left the withdrawal room to go to the toilet. When I came back I had been kicked out of the group and relegated to working the cassette player. I was devastated. It hurt. Why wasn’t I good enough to be in the group? Was it my face?

Again in high school. I had a few good friends, and I had a best friend. It wasn't long until the popular group became known. They were the girls who seemed to have it all. The looks, the sporting abilities, the charm, the first picks. Those of us who weren't in the popular group (the poor girls, the simple girls, the ugly girls, the uncoordinated girls) looked at them without envy, but with disdain.

Now time has travelled along since the 70s and 80s, but not a lot has changed. Popular groups are still in school and kids want to know they belong. It's a fundamental human need. We see on the news all the insane things kids do to be part of a group, and how terrorists are using this need to their advantage. Too many teen suicides are also occurring because of cyberbullying. Other kids telling them that they’re not good enough, that they don’t belong.

Adults too, want to belong. Many change themselves to fit in. Whether it be by way of cosmetic surgery, make up, clothes, having the latest IPhone and technology, drinking, gambling, drugs, showing off. The list goes on. People want other people to like them. They want to belong.

So what am I trying to say?

Did it really matter that I was never in the popular group? No of course not. It did affect me at the time because no one told me that it didn't matter. In hindsight what really mattered was that I had friends who loved me for me. They accepted that I had a different face, and embraced my individuality. I didn't have to try and be someone else. And that was a gift.

It’s healthy to belong, to know that you are liked by other people. But if you can't be yourself it's not healthy, instead it's toxic. Whether you're a teen or an adult, find people who are similar to you. People who you have things in common with. Find people who will encourage you, care for you, support you and speak positively into your life. If you feel inferior or not good enough, keep looking. Being popular in school really doesn’t mean anything. School comes, and school goes. People who have been to high school reunions know this. The popular kids usually just have regular jobs. They aren’t stars. Being popular didn't get them further in life. The adult world can be more difficult but again, it’s all about perspective. If you don’t fit in at work, do your job and work hard. Find your peeps out in the real world. They are out there. I found mine, and you can too. :)



Attitude

Attitude, attitude, here it comes

Rude, selfish, polite or fun.

Positive, negative, what will it be?

Is the glass half empty or full - what do you see?

 

A is for Attitude

Why did I choose attitude for the first entry to my blog? It was a little thing that happened the other day actually. My daughter Jessica, who has Down syndrome, was being stubborn and non-compliant. I blurted out, ‘I don’t like your attitude,’ which I don’t think I’d ever said to her before. A weird feeling passed through me. As a seasoned primary school teacher, I had told my students that I didn’t like their attitudes many times, but never my intellectually impaired daughter. Jessica’s reply was, ‘I am being good Mum.’ She didn’t think she was doing anything wrong… just exercising her right to not do what I wanted her to. Her IPad was more important than following Mum’s instructions to get dressed. It’s all about perspective. Her perspective and mine at that moment, clashed.

We all have attitudes towards whatever we are doing. I remember having a foul attitude towards my Maths 1 tutor, who was trying to help me achieve better grades in senior high school. His helping me, did not change how I felt. My attitude, thus, did not help me to improve my grades either. If I had changed my attitude, maybe I would have eventually passed. Who knows…

Haven’t we all been there at some stage in our life? When life has thrown us a roadblock, whether it was trying to lose weight or dealing with a demanding boss, we have walked away from the situation. Now maybe there are times when walking away could be a good thing. A friend that is leading you into trouble would be one example. But there are other times when it would be much more advantageous to keep on, keeping on. Problem solving, striving, not giving up.

Have you heard the saying, ‘Keep your chin up?’  What does that mean? It’s usually said, by a caring friend, trying to encourage you when things aren’t going well. It means, keep a positive attitude.

Is it nicer to be around people who have an optimistic outlook or a chip on their shoulder about life’s journey? Very few people have it easy. Troubles come, and sometimes it seems that troubles after troubles after troubles, pile on top of you. It is hard to even get out of bed and breathe, let alone be happy and positive. Now, I’m not even saying ‘be happy’. There were times in my life I was absolutely miserable. It was difficult to find anything to be thankful for. It seemed that there was nothing to have a positive attitude about. Some days I had to search for something, like, the sun was shining or a student had drawn me a picture. 

I think I would be entitled to have a low view of the world, with all the things I have been through in my life. But I don’t. Instead I CHOOSE to be thankful for the good things and moments in my life. I choose to focus on what I have, not what I don’t have. I choose to focus on my abilities, not my limitations. And finally, I choose to count my blessings and look for the good in each day. Even if it’s a hug or listening to the birds chirping. I hope you do too. It’s all about perspective.

 

The ABCs of Life

When you were little, I am sure you learnt to sing the ABC song, and it probably stood you in good stead for the rest of your life. In school, you learnt the order of the letters first, then had exercises to help reinforce it. Do you remember rearranging words into alphabetical order or searching for a definition in the dictionary, locating a book at the library or even listening for your name in roll call - if you were a W or a Y or a Z, you had a long wait. Did the first letter of your surname affect you? For example, our surname starts with W. I have noticed at special Assemblies my daughter is always the last or second last to receive her award. She doesn't get to stand on stage whilst the others are presented. Does that matter? Maybe, maybe not.
If you are out of school, do you still use the alphabet? 
Because words influence our existence, and are, impacting our life significantly, I had an idea that using the alphabet would be a thought-provoking and interesting way to write a blog. I already have a blog at http://crouzonsdownsandme.blogspot.com.au/ which details much of what I have been through in my life. I don't want to repeat what I have written there. Instead this one will consist of reflections, articles, poetry, stories, or anything really, that supports the word of the day. I hope it will be fun, entertaining and inspirational. Will you come along for the ride with me? :)