Knowledge

K is for Knowledge

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table in the quietness of the morning. My husband and children are still asleep. It's just me and the dog. I thought I'd been enjoying the serenity BUT the clunking of the ceiling fan and the buzz of the refrigerator are ruining things. They're actually getting on my nerves, like a dripping tap, interrupting my train of thought. I wished I had the knowledge to be able to fix them but I don’t so I'll put up with the annoyance until I call in the experts. 

Have you ever said, 'If I'd known that, I wouldn't.... or I would've....'?

Or have you ever said, 'To my knowledge....'

What do these quotes mean? 

I like this diagram. Starting at the second level; you can have information but unless it has meaning to you, it won't be helpful. For example, you may have information on how to change a car tyre. Maybe a printout off the internet or you've read somewhere what to do and have those steps stored away in your brain. 
If you actually have changed the tyre, the information has become knowledge (the third level) as you have experience. You'll be able to help others and explain any tricks or tips you've learned through you experience. You may even have the highest level - some wisdom. For example you may have done something silly while changing the tyre, and to stop others from having your misfortune, you tell them. 

 

Two days ago we were rear ended at an intersection. Both Joe and I hadn’t been in a car accident before so neither of us knew exactly what we needed to do. A brochure had been dropped in our mailbox a few weeks before on what to do in a car accident and I had briefly skimmed it then thrown it in the bin. From this brochure I had some information stored away in my brain. The other driver was evasive with some of his information and said he didn’t have insurance, and we didn’t know what to do about that. That information wasn't on the brochure! After telling my friends on Facebook those who had been in car accidents were able to tell us that we had done the right thing with what we had written down, and what we could do next time. They had the knowledge that we didn’t have. 

Have you ever thought you had the knowledge to do something, but half way through have realised you didn't?

I must admit that when I started writing two years ago, I thought I knew how to write. I had taught primary children to write basic stories for 25 years, so of course I knew how to write a children's novel. It came as a shock when I found out that yes I had some skills but I needed to do a lot of learning about structure, characters, plot etc. to be able to write a satisfactory publishable story. A little bit of knowledge wasn't enough to do an excellent job. So what did I do? I wanted to succeed at my writing, so I enrolled in some writing courses and joined writing groups to learn and to be around people who had lots of knowledge. Many had wisdom as well.

We are always seeking knowledge when it applies to what we need, or we may gain knowledge because of an interest. I enjoy learning about animals, so I‘ve been watching documentaries on purpose. I am writing a children's book set in ancient Rome, so I am reading and watching videos on Rome.

What are you seeking knowledge about?

 and 

What do you have knowledge about? 

My children have complex medical issues and we go to the hospital where there are experts in the field. We don't take them to the GP who is generalised in her field. When the specialists don't appear to have the knowledge it creates fear in us.

 

Have you ever been in the situation where you feel as if you have more knowledge than the experts? 

This was the situation we found ourselves in last Tuesday when we were discussing eye muscle surgery with the eye surgeon.  We hoped that his indecisiveness was really wisdom and experience coming into play, not just a regurgitation of information he knew. Due to our worry we sought further expertise, our plastic surgeon, who talked to the eye clinic. It was confirmed to us that everything was under control and that the head Professor was taking over the case. We felt better knowing that the expert was involved. 

I have always said, 'knowledge is power'. This is usually said in relation to diagnoses. When Melissa was diagnosed at birth with Crouzon syndrome, I fell in a heap and spiraled into post-natal depression. When Jessica was diagnosed at four weeks with Down syndrome, again I fell in a heap and spiraled into post-natal depression. 

Both times I saw everything as being bad. It took a while to grieve the loss of normality, but I eventually dealt with the information I was given. As this information - the 'labels' attached to my children - turned into knowledge, my attitude changed. This label told me what may or may not happen, it gave me strategies to help the child, and it gave me reasons for why things were happening. With more knowledge and experience, which came with time and going through things, I've been able to help others, so that their journeys are hopefully easier than mine was.

That is why we have support groups in our society. 

I would like to leave you with this final quote by Sylvester Stallone to ponder:

 

 What knowledge can you pass on to someone who needs it?

Judgement

J is for Judgement

Today I read a touching story written by a lady, Suzie. She recounted an outing to the grocery store. The day was cold and her baby Carly kept kicking off her shoes, so Suzie left them off. While shopping Suzie felt she was belittled and spoken to rudely by three people. Before leaving the store, an overtired Carly began to cry, adding to her mother's distress. The heroine of the story was the cashier who cuddled the baby and spoke in a caring way to Suzie.

This is a nice story in the fact that someone helped Suzie, but the fact that the cashier and Carly both had Down syndrome add further to it.

Was Suzie judged? Was the cashier judged?

This is Suzie’s final comment in the article:

‘I interacted with a lot of people at the grocery store. There was a woman who scolded me for not having shoes on Carly on a cold day, (she kicked them off), a clerk who was less than interested in helping me find an item, and an impatient person that shoved past because we were following behind an elderly gentleman that was moving slowly when they were in a hurry.

Some people feel like people with Down syndrome don’t contribute anything meaningful to society, but amidst all the Grinches today, she stood apart. And just being her, she gave us an amazing gift. A smile.”

http://trendingstylist.com/carly-supermarket-gesture/
 

*

A Current Affair aired a story about Jordan who has Cerebral Palsy and a speech impairment. The story showed Jordan with his walker, in a city square, asking for directions to the bathroom. It was distressing for me to watch the large number of people who ignored his requests even though they willingly gave directions to his able-bodied mate, Conan.

https://www.facebook.com/jordonsclimb/posts/1042032279181282?fref=nf

The public made judgements about Jordan, maybe even subconsciously, which led them to ignoring him.
 

*

Do you pass judgements on people?

I think we’d be deceiving ourselves if we said we don't. Whether it’s over people frittering their money away, those addicted to substances, the lady having an abortion, homeless people, or non-English speaking group talking in their own language instead of English, we often have an opinion, or a judgement, without knowing the story or situation.

It's easy to do.

All five members of my family have been judged - for just being ourselves. 

• Growing up with a facial difference, there was an active presumption that I looked different so I must have an intellectual impairment. I have a Masters degree with honours - so this is definitely untrue. This same judgement is still around today as we've encountered it with Melissa and Nick who are A/B students. Jordan above has said that people presume he has an intellectual disability too which he doesn't. It shouldn't matter whether you do or not, but you are treated differently when the public thinks you do.  
• I've been judged for having children with Crouzon syndrome, when I knew the risk was 50/50 for each pregnancy. Even though it was Joe and my choice and we are the ones raising the children, people still thought they had the right to pass on their opinions to me, in person and on-line. (Social media and YouTube bring out the best and worst in people.) I have a friend in the UK who was on a TV program. He's currently going through this exact same thing, but on a larger scale.   

• Joe and I met on-line, and he came out from the USA to meet me. We were both judged on this way of meeting. Yes it was risky, but it worked.  When Melissa was born, Joe became the stay-at-home carer but we were told by others that men don’t do that. People particularly in the church told us this. Men go to work and women stay home. 

• Our Nick is eleven years old . He's been judged by other children because he likes ‘girl gender’ things. He collects dolls and Shopkins, his favourite colour is pink, he's growing his hair long, and he likes to wear clothes that are bright and colourful. 

• And finally Jessica. Having Down syndrome has meant judgements with a capital J. It's like there's a ground set of abilities that she should have and that's it. The attitude, 'she has Down syndrome... so she won't be able to, or she doesn't have to do...' has seen Jessica actively excluded from activities, instead of being supported so she can be included.

*

So what do you do, when you're judged?

You can accept, believe, ignore or challenge. 

Growing up I actively challenged people's presumptions about my intelligence. I became a high achiever, a perfectionist, and an active participant in any activity I thought I'd achieve in. I wanted people to know that they were wrong.

My husband and myself either ignored or challenged people's opinions of our relationship and our family work/life decisions. We lost friends in the process. 

Nick ignores the judgement. He doesn’t care what others think. 

We've had to challenge presumptions made about Jessica. She has strengths and weaknesses, and she also has what we call the 'Jessica factor' - the determination to learn something when she desires to. For example, Jessica wants to ride a regular bike, so she has a regular bike and she's learning. We didn't buy her a disability bike. She wanted to play the drums, so we bought her a real drum kit, not a toy one. She wanted to make her own YouTube video, so we did that. I'm sure you get the idea. 

*

Have you accepted, believed, ignored or challenged judgements made against you or a loved one?

If you accept or believe these judgements, they can be soul-destroying. They can lead to anxiety and depression. They can make you question your dignity, your worth, your value. 

If you give in to these judgements you're allowing other people to control you. You should be in control of your life and decisions, not others.

If you need advice, seek it. But then make your own decision and stand by it. 

*.

Reading above, it might sound like we've only ever been judged, but that is not so. There have been many wonderful people, friends and family, who haven't passed judgements, but instead have supported, encouraged and loved us. Some from my childhood, others newer, but totally accepting and caring. 

A good example of people actively supporting us is what we have experienced with Jessica and our local swimming club. We joined Nick up first. One of the ladies who knows Jess from swim lessons, asked why we hadn't signed her up too. We said because she can't swim well enough (we'd read the rules of joining). She told us that Jess should be coming and they'd have a support person in the water with her, so the swimming ability wasn't an issue. We joined her up, and her accomplishments are celebrated just like the others. 

*

Wouldn't it be a much nicer world, if before we opened our mouths to have our five cents worth, we found out the story, or even without knowing the story, we offered support and encouragement? If we showed more love, than criticism? 

I will finish with this quote from the Dalai Lama.

    

Ideal

I is for Ideal

Definitions of Ideal

Adjective: satisfying one's conception of what is perfect; most suitable; existing only in the imagination; desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality.
Noun: a person or thing regarded as perfect.

***

It is the first of January, 2016. Happy New Year! 

Most people will reflect on 2015 today – was it good or bad, or a mixture of ups and downs? Some people will be grateful that 2015 is over. They may even say, 'good riddance' to it. Those who have experienced a memorable year, full of happiness and achievements, may be sad that 2015 is over, and hoping that 2016 is just as wonderful. With our reflections, we will often make New Year's resolutions. Things we are going to change or give up in our lives, to make it better, to make it 'perfect'. Have you made any? The typical ones are exercise more, lose weight, spend less money, stop drinking or smoking… It may even be, buy a house, have a baby, get a new job... Many things can be thought of.

When we are making our resolutions, we are reflecting, consciously or subconsciously, about what would make the ideal world for us. It may be in our imagination, but we want to make it our reality. Would more money, a better marriage, a bigger house, better education, well behaved children and teenagers etc. etc, make your life better or easier in some way? I'm sure you have your list. 

***

Often though, the resolutions we make, with full intentions to follow through with them, last a week or two, then are forgotten about or given up on. They fit the definition of Ideal above, which says: desirable or perfect but not likely to become a reality.

Why?

This 2010 Daily Mail news article discusses this phenomena, citing Professor Wiseman’s explanation for why people fail.

Professor Wiseman, the author of 59 Seconds: Think A Little, Change A Lot, which was the Independent on Sunday’s 2010 paperback of the year, said: “All too often New Year’s resolutions fail because people try to do too much too soon and don’t seek the right support to help them achieve their goals.

“People who rely on willpower alone are much less likely to succeed than those who try other techniques like telling their friends, rewarding themselves for making progress and removing temptation from their surroundings.

“It is important that we use as much advice and support to see us through the New Year commitments, remembering that overall simple small changes work better and are more achievable in the long run.” Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1342617/New-Year-s-resolutions-barely-longer-week.html#ixzz3vx64FGQf 

Professor Wiseman states that it is lack of individual willpower. We cannot achieve our resolutions without support from others, rewards, removing temptation, seeking advice and making some achievable changes. These make sense.

Some practical examples of using Prof. Wiseman's recommendations for making our resolutions come to fruition, could be:

• If we are a heavy smoker, it might be impossible for us to go cold turkey, but we could cut down the number of cigarettes a day.
• If we want to do more exercise, maybe instead of setting the alarm earlier, which we will put on snooze and sleep through, park further from work, or at the far end of the shopping centre, so we are forced to walk more. Or have a walking buddy.
• If we use our credit card too often, freeze it in a cup of ice, so when we want to buy something, we have to go home and defrost it – this cuts out impulse buying.

***

I personally think, instead of making half-hearted resolutions, form goals. The formation of goals will be more likely to lead us to change or take steps towards our ideal life. Make them realistic. Make them concrete and practical. There is no point having pie in the sky goals that are non-achievable. 

Here are some examples showing the difference between resolutions and goals:

Resolution: I want to write a book.

Goal: I will enrol in ….. writing course that I have researched about.

Resolution: I want to quit smoking.
Goal: I will buy one less packet of cigarettes a week.

Resolution: I want to spend less.
Goal: Instead of going to the shops on Saturdays, I will watch a movie or listen to music.

When forming your goals, don't make too many. Start with the ones you really want to achieve. Then:

1. Write your goals down and stick them on your fridge or on your mirror, where you can see them everyday,
2. Plan how you are going to achieve your goals. If they are practical, this should already be included, but if not, write down your plans. For example, if you want to study, but don't know which course, research, talk to people etc. 
3. Do your goal. Words scribbled or typed neatly, on a piece of paper, won't do anything if you don't actually put effort into achieving them.
4. If you fail, either keep on trying, or change your goal - it's okay. Remain positive.
5. Tick off your goals when you have achieved them.
6. Celebrate your achievements!
7. Make some more. :)

And blessings for the year ahead.

Happiness

H is for Happiness

This last week I have been privileged to see the happiness that our Australian Christmas festivities and wonderment can bring to a child. That child being my youngest, Jessica.

As a family we have a list of activities we try to do, leading up to Christmas: putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the outside of our house with some Christmas lights, attending Christmas Carols, visiting the Christmas lights in our community, seeing Santa for the annual photo and making Jesus’s birthday cake.

I can’t help but smile at Jessica’s joy for each of these events.

The excitement she experienced each time she saw baby Jesus in the manager. Whether it was the human baby in the nativity play or the baby Jesus in the manager in the nativity scenes around the community, she reacted the same... with utter delight and happiness. (The photo above is of her praying to baby Jesus.) 

Her happiness bubbled in the same way when she saw Santa. She yelled out, 'Santa' at the top of her voice and rushed over to him each time.. You'd think every meeting was the first time she'd seen him in her life. Happiness and delight.

And her enthusiastic, ‘Wow’, reaction to the decorated houses with sparkly blinking lights and Christmas characters, made us laugh. Her happiness rubbed off on her father, myself and my son. We couldn't help but be happy too.  

 

 

 

 

 

On the other hand, my teenager hasn't reacted the same as her younger sister. While out and about, she didn’t show any happiness at all. Barely any interest either. She stuck her ear buds in and walked around, locked in her own world. I'm sure she’d rather have been at home listening to her music or on her devices. The excitement that she exhibited as a young girl, seemed to have gone.

Now, these two different reactions are reflective of people generally. There are people I know who absolutely LOVE Christmas. They seem to thrive on the hustle and bustle, the presents, the events and partying, and the Christmas Day get-togethers.  Others though do not share this joy. These people are not grouchy or grinchy. Financial woes, the loss of a loved one, poor health, or just anxiety by the pressure put on them with the season, all take away the happiness of Christmas. This time of year can bring much sadness and stress.

*

My favourite Christmas movie, is It's a Wonderful Life. You've probably seen it, but if you haven't, the story is set in Bedford Falls, New York, on Christmas Eve 1945, George Bailey is suicidal. Prayers for him reach Heaven and Clarence Odbody, Angel 2nd Class, is assigned to save George in order to earn his angel wings. To prepare Clarence, his superior Joseph shows flashbacks of George's life. The movie outlines what would have happened to George's family and friends, if he hadn't been born. It demonstrates vividly the value of an individual person.

I love this movie because it shows that even though life can be tough, and turn out differently from the way we plan it to, all is not lost. We still have a purpose and are worthy. 

 If you were born, you are meant to be here on earth.

This movie also tells us that at Christmas time (and throughout the year), we need to find the happiness around us and in the small things, because there are many other people who will have better presents and bigger get-togethers etc. Count our blessings, as they say.

*

On Friday may we celebrate the joyous birth of our saviour, Jesus Christ, love one another, enjoy each other's company, and support the sad and the suffering around us. Try not to get too hung up on the value of the presents under the tree, or how much food is on the table. In the end that stuff doesn't matter. It will be the family and friends that you love that do.

So with tomorrow being Christmas Eve, I would like to wish you a very blessed Christmas.

Feliz Navidad.

I would like to finish with my other family tradition; the sharing of Twas the Night Before Christmas, which my husband reads to the kids before they go to bed.

Graduation

G is for Graduation

This week my son, Nick, graduated from primary school. Seven years of learning to read, write and do math (plus all the other subjects) completed.  Two weeks ago we took him to the shops and he picked out an outfit for the special occasion. Nick wanted to wear a tie and we were able to find a shirt and tie combo. He was wrapped. On the night he was so excited to be getting dressed up; as were the forty other children.

 

During the ceremony, before all the children received their Graduation certificates, awards were handed out: Dux, Citizenship, Performing Arts etc. Nick didn’t win one, but that was okay. He had been awarded a Gold Academic Award that day at school and he was pretty chuffed about that. The night went well and family, friends and the children all celebrated.

The afternoon of Graduation, all three children had brought home their report cards. My two brainiacs, Melissa and Nick, did very well as usual. Melissa's 'Yesssss', made me smile. Nick's comment was, 'I only got 6 As, last semester I got 7'... My Jessica, my youngest, didn't ask about her report card. It didn't mean anything to her. She has an intellectual impairment and is doing work that is two/three years below her grade. She didn't achieve her individual goals. Her report card did say what she could do, but much of it was what she couldn’t do.

Having two children who excel, and then having one who struggles, is hard emotionally. I always feel some sadness for Jessica. I get sad, I guess, because she hasn't been blessed with high intelligence like her siblings, and she misses out on being recognised publicly for the progress she has made. Learning for Jessica is difficult - doing handwriting, art, technology, physical activities, and maths are all hard. This year she has moved forward, just in very small steps - not the larger steps of her peers.

For our family, some of Jessica's achievements we've seen in 2015 are also not academic, but are about her ability to do things on her own. Our long term goal for her is to be an active and independent member of society, so these achievements are wonderful. During this year we were thrilled when Jessica did the following things;

• unpacked her school bag on her own;


• dressed and undressed unassisted;


• performed Let It Go onstage and knew all of the actions;


• read a Level 20 reader;


• jumped into the deep end of the pool without being scared;


• wrote out her own Christmas cards for the first time…

There were many more.

 

As Jessica gets older, the gap between the children in her class and herself is going to grow. So I have decided that I must shake off the sadness. My attitude must change to, 'If school won't celebrate her small steps, then we as a family will, and I won't be sad because she is doing the best she is able to'. Last night, Macca’s was requested by all three children. We ate, drank and talked as we celebrated all our children’s successes. There were smiles all round.

This letter came onto my Facebook newsfeed during the week and I thought it was perfect for all the children, like Jessica, who won't be receiving awards this year. 

I SEE YOU
It’s a time of badges, certificates, medals, trophies, recognition, awards, prizes and 'seeing' of high achievement. I love seeing the kids that shine at this time of year - a big high heartfelt round of applause to you. You so deserve it for the effort you have put in.
But this message is for the kids that didn't get called up for any of the above...
I SEE YOU.
To the child that conquered their fear of heights, or sleeping in the dark, or riding without training wheels or sleeping out for the night for the first time this year, I SEE YOU

To the child that managed to resolve more conflict than they started this year, to the child that learnt to say the impossible; "I'm sorry", and to the child that walked away from the fighting instead of getting involved, I SEE YOU

To the child for whom school is a huge struggle, you get up everyday and you go, I SEE YOU
To the child that battled all year with the maths, or reading, or concentration, or speaking out in class, or learning their words, but persevered anyway, I SEE YOU
To the child that found the kindness in their heart reach out in anyway to another person or to an animal in need or in pain, I SEE YOU
To the child that learnt to give and to share for the first time this year and even found joy in these, I SEE YOU
To the child that battles to make friends and to be social, you made new friends this year and for that, I SEE YOU
To the child who wanted so much to please, but was just out of sight of an adult who perhaps was too busy or too distracted, I SEE YOU
To the child who lost a friend or a loved one this year, but carried on everyday bravely even though their heart ached, I SEE YOU
To the brave parents that try everyday to do the best for their kids, I SEE YOU.
May you and your children revel in small but significant victories that you have both experienced this year, as I will with my beautiful children. For every year there is progress and growth, we don't need a podium or handshake or a hall of applause to be seen.
I SEE YOU.
Colleen Wilson
Contemporary Parenting

If your child has graduated, I congratulate your whole family on making it this far. Enjoy the break before your child launches onto the next phase of their life...high school. :)